Let’s Agree to Disagree
Everyone has disagreements. In all of our relationships, whether its with a partner, friend, or co-worker, there are bound to be times when we can’t see eye to eye on an issue and we have to find ways to effectively communicate our differences so that we can come to some kind of resolution and move forward. The question is, how do we do this while being respectful to the other person, and at the same time being able to get our point communicated? This can be especially tricky if the issue at hand is controversial or sensitive. The following are some pointers on how to manage these tricky situations.
An important rule to remember when communicating with others is to speak only for yourself. You can do this through the use of “I-statements”. For example, “I feel sad when we don’t have time in the evenings to talk about our day.” The use of I-statements ensures that we don’t speak for others, and that we don’t place blame on others. The result is a lowered level of defensiveness and therefore a clearer level of communication. It is also crucial to make sure that you are hearing the message that is being relayed, so be sure to summarize what you are hearing, to ensure you are receiving the intended message correctly.
One big mistake that is made when communicating, is to hash up things from the past as a comparison for what is happening in the present. In the heat of the moment this can feel justifiable, to compare the present with all of the mistakes and terrible things the person has done in the past. Unfortunately, this is not helpful. Stay focused on the present issue and leave the past in the past; its time to burry the hatchet!
Finally, it’s important to remember that just because the time is right for us to talk about an issue, its not necessarily a good time for the other person. In order for a discussion to be productive, it’s important to find a time when both people can be focused and mentally and emotionally present and ready for the conversation. Be sure to check in with the other person to see when a good time would be to have this discussion, because that time might not be right now. Respect the issues and the space, as well as the person, and you are likely to have a much more positive outcome!